She Doesn’t Return My Calls And Texts

Thursday | August 3, 2017

Love Letters Dating

She Doesn’t Return My Calls And Texts

Dear Meredith,

I’ve been dating a woman for more than two years. I’m the optimist in the relationship – the extrovert. She and I are at our best when we’re together in person.

From the start, we’ve had communication problems. Usually it’s her not responding to my calls and messages when she’s occupied with family and work. Recently, we had a great day together. We did errands, had fun, laughed a lot, etc. Later that night, I reached out a couple of times by text and she didn’t respond. Then I called – several times – only to receive a message that said, “I’m very tired and don’t care if that bothers you. I’ll call you later. Right now I’m with family.”

I waited but she didn’t call. I called her, didn’t get a response, and then sent a bunch of frustrated messages. Eventually I wrote “I’m gone” and fell asleep. She called a bunch of times after that, telling me to be more reasonable, and saying she’ll take more care next time. This is a pattern – me getting frustrated and uncomfortable with her lack of communication or lousy responses in the moment.

We’re both part of modern Indian families, but there’s some pressure to settle down soon. How can we deal with our communication problem?

– Call Me Back

This is your communication problem, not hers. You spent an entire day with your girlfriend only to demand her availability throughout the night. You called and texted (repeatedly), and were unwilling to give her space to be with anyone else. Then, when she told you to back off, you send a manipulative text. “I’m gone.” It was unnecessary drama.

What did you have to tell her that was so important? Did you have anything specific to say – or did you just need to know she’d answer? From now on, every time you’re angry about an unreturned call or message, ask yourself if you were reaching out for any particular reason. Not every call is urgent.

You also need to accept that she’s not like you when it comes to her phone. Some people don’t need constant check-ins. Many people (not enough, really) like to be 100 percent present with the person in front of them, which means they put their phones away. That’s probably one of the reasons it feels so good to be with her in person.

It might help to talk to her about how you can reset your expectations. Maybe she’d prefer a goodnight text to a string of messages. Maybe it would help to set a time for calls. It’s worth a conversation – and, on your part, some real understanding and compromise.

– Meredith

Readers? What’s the issue here?

Dating

Featured Comment

You are giving her absolutely no breathing room.. back off. Not sure how she been able to handle it for years now…. also, stop with the passive aggressiveness tactics.

Brenda67 Share Thoughts