Should I Finish Mourning Before I Start Dating?

Wednesday | May 31, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Should I Finish Mourning Before I Start Dating?

Six months ago, I lost my husband of five years. It was a second marriage for both of us, and we appreciated the second chance we had been given. His death was very sudden, and, needless to say, it has been hard.

I know that this varies from person to person, but how will I know when I am ready to move on? I know that eventually I would like to meet someone else. I am relatively young and don’t plan on spending the rest of my life alone. Part of me feels like as long as I still miss him and get sad, it’s a sign that I am not ready and should finish mourning before I start a new relationship. On the other hand, there is another part of me that thinks maybe getting into a new relationship is what I need, that there is only so much that I can do on my own.

Maybe being with another person would help me finish healing. I am not asking for you to tell me if I am ready or not, but please tell me how I can figure it out.

– Sad and Lonely

You’re right; I can’t tell you when you’ll be ready.

I can tell you that grief isn’t as sequential as we’d like to be, and that there’s no mourning finish line. Even if you move on and meet someone else, you will still get sad about your loss – and that’s OK.

If you’re confused about what to do right now, consider a support group. I know they’re not for everyone, but bereavement groups can be very helpful for anyone who needs context as they cope with a loss. I have an acquaintance who went to a support group for young widows and widowers years ago. Hearing other people’s stories gave her a constant basis of comparison. Based on what she saw around her, she figured out when to start dating.

Also, it is OK to do some trial and error. Sometimes people have to tell a date, “I thought I was ready but I’m very much not.” You’re allowed to figure it out as you go.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you know when you’re ready to move on?

Dating

Featured Comment

u0022Sorry for your loss but try being by yourself for a little. Go do the things you have always wanted to do. Go on a vacation with your friends, go on a solo vacation.nYou won’t be alone forever as long as you keep yourself open to meeting someone, but you don’t have to always be in a relationship.u0022 – OuttaBTown2013

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