He’ll Miss My Birthday

Monday | September 12, 2016

Love Letters Dating

He’ll Miss My Birthday

My long-distance boyfriend of more than two years has always had work on my birthday (always during the week), which has prevented him from spending it with me. He just informed me – after I had to directly ask him if he was going to visit me on my finally-during-a-weekend birthday – that he couldn’t come visit because he promised to be a designated driver for his sister and her friends at a concert that night. He had only just realized they were on the same night, and stated that he had already promised his sister first, so I was basically out of luck.

Am I crazy to think he should find some other way for his sister to get to the concert and be there for me on my birthday? He didn’t do anything to celebrate our two-year dating anniversary because he “didn’t think I was into that stuff.” We had a big fight about that, so he is now very much aware of my feelings on celebrations. Also, I am asking for nothing other than his presence on my birthday. No big gift or expensive dinner is necessary, and he knows that.

– It’s My Birthday

Birthdays don’t have to be celebrated on actual birthdays. Even kids know that a celebration can be just as fun the days before or after the calendar date.

That said, your birthday is finally on a weekend, and your boyfriend could have done some advanced planning after that two-year anniversary misunderstanding. He should have been thinking about how to celebrate the occasion instead of being so quick to commit to someone else.

I’ll add that his sister is old enough to drink, which means she’s old enough to arrange for her own car. It’s so easy to order a cab or car service these days. (As we know from this column, people can call each other an Uber when necessary.)

Don’t feel bad about being disappointed – it’s an understandable, justified reaction – but try to look for a solution, especially if your boyfriend is great every other day of the year. Ask him to help you come up with an alternate plan to mark the moment, and let him know that your weekend birthday is still important to you – just like that anniversary. See if you can think of a way to fix this together.

– Meredith

Readers? Should he be spending that night with his sister?

Dating Distance