‘He Went Out Of Town And Lied To Me About It’

Friday | September 9, 2016

Love Letters Dating

‘He Went Out Of Town And Lied To Me About It’

I’m 45 and I’ve been dating a man for five years. He is 18 years older, and I’ve only met his family once. They live an hour away.

Recently he went out of town with them and lied to me about it. He said he was working all weekend. When I found out, he apologized over and over and promised we would go somewhere on my next long weekend. Well, my next long weekend is here. When I asked him where we’re going, he said he was going out of town with his family again and a group of their friends. Once again, I am not invited. He said the reason I’m not invited is because they are going for a week and I only have four days off.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve invested so much time in this relationship and feel like I get nothing back. Whenever I finally have enough, he will turn on the charm and reel me back in.

This has been going on way too long. I’m never included or invited. I’ve tried to talk to him about it and he just gets angry and calls me insecure. I feel like I am too old to be playing these stupid games. I don’t get why I am still putting up with this. Just wanted to get some one else’s input.

– Not invited

I know you’re focused on the vacation part of the problem, but I’d rather talk about the rest of the relationship. You say you get “nothing back,” and that every so often, he has to reel you back in. You say you’re “never included or invited,” which means this is about more than the occasional long weekend. If this problem persists throughout the year, it might be time to walk away. Sticking around because you’ve invested five years doesn’t mean that the next five years will be any better.

As for the vacation issue, I think it would be easier to take if you had the truth. If he said, “You know what, I don’t get much time with my family, and I love to see them alone sometimes,” it might be OK. If he said, “My family feels strange about our age difference,” you could figure out how to navigate that problem together.

But you don’t have that kind of communication with this man, which is why the entire relationship is shaky. You never get the answers you want, and you don’t work as a team to make anything better. All the charm in the world isn’t enough to make up for that.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason he’d travel without her? Is this OK?

Family 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

He doesn’t want to include you in his family business. That much is clear. Ask him why. If you don’t get an answer, or an answer that you can tolerate, then you need to end the relationship. His needs are apparently being met. Yours are not. Fix it or flee.

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