Hi Meredith,

Here’s the situation: I’ve been with my current boyfriend for about six years. We broke up for about a year in 2012, around the time I graduated college, but we eventually reconciled and things have been perfectly great ever since. We have no problems at all, in fact – unless you count my mother.

My mother has never liked any of my boyfriends and isn’t afraid to let me know (with insulting, awful delivery) how much she hates them. Despite my current boyfriend treating me incredibly well and having a good-paying job (things other mothers usually care about), she still tells me he’s a loser and how she wishes I’d move on. My friends, co-workers, and even casual acquaintances all really like and/or love him, so I’m confused as to why her reaction seems so polar opposite to everyone else’s. She and I have never had the best relationship, but I would hope she’d be happy for me. The past few times my boyfriend has been around my parents, interactions were cordial and I really thought we had gotten past the issues. However, my mother just sent another scathing text saying that she was losing sleep over the fact that she wishes I’d meet someone else.

All things considered, my boyfriend is incredibly kind to her despite knowing her true feelings toward him, and he would be crushed if he knew that this was still going on. I get depressed even thinking about the future damage that could happen once we progress to bigger steps in our relationship, like moving in or getting engaged. I want to be with this guy without alienating myself from my family – seems simple in theory, but now I’m not so sure. Am I missing something here? I hate that this is causing a clear rift in an already rocky relationship with my mother, but even if I were dating someone else, that wouldn’t guarantee her approval either. Having a mature conversation could help, if she were mature enough to handle it, but in the past she’s been impossible to reason with. I’m really stuck on what my next move should be.

– Stuck