Hi,

I have run into a problem with my parents and my boyfriend of two years. Basically, they hate each other. My boyfriend and I started dating long distance, and because of my weekend classes, he drove to see me, four hours each way. My parents seemed to get offended if I spent an entire weekend with him and we didn’t visit them at home, 40 minutes outside of Boston. Their reactions became worse whenever I tried to visit my boyfriend on the rare weekend I didn’t have classes, saying that I was throwing myself at him and chasing him. Naturally, my boyfriend was peeved that they were trying to control me and that I ended up feeling guilty if I didn’t spend time with them.

Fast forward to now – my boyfriend lives in Boston, which is wonderful, but my parents have made my life a living hell. They have called him a manipulative mooch for staying with me while he looked for an apartment in Boston (he paid rent until he found his own place). They think he treats me terribly, which could not be further from the truth. They don’t believe I can “see” what’s going on and don’t trust my judgement. My roommates confirmed that I’m not missing any red flags.

After a verbal argument with my father, all family-boyfriend relations have tanked. Now I’m stuck in the middle of two very stubborn sides – my parents, who believe my boyfriend is controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful to them, and my boyfriend, who thinks my parents are controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful of HIM. He expects an apology but will not apologize for anything, and my parents expect an apology and will not apologize for anything. I am starting medical school in July. I do not have the mental capacity to deal with this, especially when combined with studies. I just want everyone to leave me alone at this point. I don’t want to be single, but I want all of this to stop and for everyone to stop badgering me. I feel that my parents have ruined any potential with this relationship because of their actions, and that really angers me. I don’t want to lose the person whom I think is “my person,” but he doesn’t want to sign onto parents like this for the rest of his life. Should I cut everyone loose? Should I cut my parents loose? I have finances to think about during school as well, which my parents have offered to help with. I desperately want my parents in my life because I love them, but can’t have them poisoning my relationships with their deluded thinking either. I can’t handle the start of school with all of this going on. Please help!!

– Exhausted