I’m sorry. It’s awful to lose something without warning.

This is why I think it can be good to talk about doubts along the way, even if it winds up being a different kind of hurtful.

To be clear, there’s no great way to break someone’s heart. It can just be just as awful when someone drops 1,000 hints that they’re unsure. But maybe after two years, it would have been better if he’d told you – at least once or twice – that he was feeling less certain about the relationship than he was at the beginning. At least it would have been out there, and you would have been part of the conversation.

That’s what you might tell him if he shows up again – that there’s some middle ground between tormenting someone by sharing doubts, and keeping everything to yourself. You’d have to talk about how he communicates and whether he understands why you might have trouble relaxing in the relationship again.

For now, though, let’s assume he has no plans to come back. It’s easier to move on if you’re not scripting possible conversations and reconciliations.

In real life, it’s a great time to expand the way you use your city. New coffee shops. New walks. You don’t want to feel like you’re avoiding your favorite places; it’s more about making discoveries. It might feel awful for a while, but new these new routines will be all yours.

I wish there was a magic way to know he’s not one block away at any given moment, but after some time, you might forget to wonder.

Also, yes, it’s confusing that he’s sad too, but of course he is. He broke up with you, but that doesn’t mean he stopped caring for you. He probably thinks you’re wonderful. But that’s not enough to promise forever.

This is all about giving yourself time, and balancing grief with plans that make you happy. If you need some kind of breakup playlist … well, maybe we can put that together in the comments section today.

– Meredith