Dear Meredith,

A woman broke up with me several years ago. It wasn’t a clean breakup. She came back a few times over the years. She would visit me on my birthday and spend the night. I never wanted to break up with her, so I always welcomed her.

She dated another man after me who dumped her. After being dumped, she called me clearly distressed. I came to her and took her out to dinner. She wanted me to spend the night so I did. That’s the kind of on/off thing that went on for a few years.

Ultimately, she distanced herself enough that I decided to try and move on. I did the usual things people tell you to do to help move on (don’t communicate, put away things that remind you that person, try to meet new people, etc.). At some point, I decided to post a personal ad on a dating web site. My heart wasn’t completely in it. but sometimes you can meet someone new and it will change your perspective. A few days after I posted, my ex-girlfriend posted her own ad and started browsing my personal ad.

I emailed her a message saying sorry about the last time we argued, etc., but got no response. I was pretty messed up, confused, and uncomfortable with the situation so I pulled my personal ad and that was it. Haven’t tried to date since (2-3 years). Last fall, I got a call from my ex-girlfriend out of the blue. I answered the phone and said hi. She paused, said she dialed the wrong number, and immediately hung up. I took her on her word that she dialed the wrong number and went back to moving on.

That call has gradually started to bother me because it was handled as if we were complete strangers, which I did not ever expect would happen. I was going write her a note about it but found that she had moved and was now living with another man. It seems that she has moved on, but I am left confused about her behavior … and unable to sort it out, untangle myself and put the matter to rest. (I also feel like a bit of a pushover because I would still be open to seeing her if she contacted me.)
Any thoughts ?

– Dazed and Confused