Meredith,

Wondering LL’s thoughts on the following: I met a guy online and dated him for about three months. I really liked his humor and easygoing nature. I assumed he was just as into me when he asked me to be exclusive. Long story short, after several weekends of not hearing from him and only receiving the occasional text about random stuff, I got frustrated and sent him an email kindly breaking things off. It was difficult for me to do because I liked him so much but I just wasn’t feeling valued.

I would have given it another shot if he was willing, but he was very hostile and defensive, dumping me again over text and then calling a few days later to “officially” break up … again. Before he hung up, he said, “I know you’re not usually friends with your exes, but after a little time, reach out, I think we could be friends.” He’s all over the map, but that felt like a slap in the face. I wished him the best and hung up, expecting never to speak again. I missed parts of the relationship but was moving on.

About three weeks after the breakup, I received a text from him asking how I was. It felt insulting. I politely responded and wished him well. Two weeks after that, another casual text. That time, I ignored it. I recently saw that he is back on dating sites, so I know his contact is not an attempt to rekindle anything. My questions are more for perspective: Why does an ex continue to text when he knows friendship isn’t on the table, and moreover, would cause pain? Is it to pacify guilt? Selfishness? Boredom? Loneliness? Do people really stay casual friends with their exes? Feels like a recipe for disaster.

– Parted Ways