Years ago, I went to a women’s college where I met my first partner, and we were together for 16 years. She decided that she was straight, left me, married a dude, and that was the end of that. Newly and unexpectedly single, and with dating apps being the next great thing, I dated 12 women in 12 weeks and fell for Lucky #13. We were together for five years but she couldn’t remain clean and sober.

In the interim, I met my third partner, with whom I broke up after six years because she wanted to get married and I’d told her from the beginning that marriage was a deal-breaker for me. Woman number four was not a partner so much as a booty call, which was a nice change from the emotional intensity of my prior relationships – until I started to develop feelings for her. Simultaneously, I started dating a friend who I’d met in college over 30 years ago and I fell hard for her, so I ended the situationship and dove into a five-year relationship with woman number five, my longtime friend-turned-partner. 

We lived a few hours apart, and I did all the driving to her place for long weekends, holidays, and birthdays. I even lived with her for several months during lockdown. But in year three, I had to become a caregiver for a parent, so my ability to drive to my partner’s for visits was drastically reduced. 

She works remotely and can do so from anywhere, but she only drove to see me three times in those last three years, and only stayed one night each time. Shortly after her last brief visit, she broke up with me and explained it by saying, “we’re just too different.” Truthfully, we have much in common, but with a broken heart and a complicated life, I was in no shape to argue with her. 

It’s been about six months. I’m still in love with her and I miss my partner and my friend, but I don’t understand why I wasn’t worth any effort on her part. How do I move on from this when every time I think about her it feels like a gut punch?!

– Gut punched