I met my ex-boyfriend when I wasn’t looking. I’m a single mom.

He ended up being everything I hoped – he’d do anything for family and friends, was good with kids, and made me feel important in his life. I love his family and friends, who were all so welcoming. I could see a future with him.

We were together for just over a year. About six weeks ago, I caught him crying in a room by himself, which turned into him to telling me that he wishes we’d met 10 years ago, and now there are too many obstacles for us to be together. He said he sees me a third of the time, but wants to see me all of the time. He was really upset. We live an hour apart, and my schedule with the kids involves a lot of back and forth.

After lots of crying and discussing the breakup with friends, it just seemed too unfair. A couple of weeks after the breakup, I drove to his house to talk. He said that right now, he feels he would not be a good parental figure to children who aren’t his. He doesn’t want that to affect my kids, who deserve better. I don’t need him to parent my children, but I know it’s complicated.

Of note, he did not have a pleasant introduction with my kids’ father, which I do believe changed things – along with some temper tantrums/whining by one of my kids. I was so thankful for him opening up and putting my children above all else. But I feel so mad at the universe. Nothing about this feels right. Why would the universe show me something so great and then take it away?

I have deleted his number from my phone to prevent myself from messaging him, and have allowed him to grieve the breakup in his own way. I have started therapy, joined a new hot yoga studio, bought bracelets with stones that promote happiness and well-being. I’ve had tarot card readings. This breakup has been harder than I can describe – here I am six weeks later, still sobbing every day.

A few days ago I messaged him on Instagram about something positive in my life that I thought he’d like to know. He never goes on social media so I didn’t really expect him even see it. But he did and he replied. We went back and forth for about two days. He said the breakup is hard for him, too. He also said some stuff about how time heals. He says like, “everyone comes into our lives for a reason, and you don’t know that reason until a long time later. Maybe we came into each other’s lives to show us that there can be really good and special relationships out there.”

Maybe he is trying to convince himself of something with these sweet phrases. I really feel like he cares about me and my feelings, and the whole situation feels wrong and unfair. I am at the point now where I am either waiting for him reach out – or for me to get over him. I think I need advice on how to navigate feelings versus reality.

– Feelings vs. Reality