Who Gets The Dog?

Thursday | October 20, 2016

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Who Gets The Dog?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now. In the beginning, it was all rainbows and butterflies, and then I became ill and it took a big knock on our relationship. After I recovered, I felt like a completely different person and started questioning whether this relationship was meant to last. I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him but now I am undecided. Long story short, I’ve been hanging on, hoping we can fix our “issues,” but I don’t have the energy or the patience to do it anymore. There is a big age difference and I am starting to feel it. I’m in my early 20s and he is in his late 30s (it worked in the beginning).

The tricky situation is that we raised a pup this year. It was given to me as a gift, however he pays the vet bills. So if we break up, who keeps the dog? I’ve thought about shared custody because it’s ours, but at the same time I don’t want to see my ex every two weeks or share my pup with his new fling, etc.

I am also scared to break it off. Three years is a long time with someone, and we have a really strong and unique relationship that I’m scared I might never find again. He is very difficult and I often wonder why I put up with his nonsense, but I don’t want to hurt him. He says he has never loved someone so much before, so I know if I break up with him he might not ever date again, or he might have issues because of depression or whatever.

(Sorry if this letter makes no sense. It’s 4 a.m. and I can’t sleep).

– 4 a.m.

“I’ve been hanging on, hoping we can fix our ‘issues,’ but I don’t have the energy or the patience to do it anymore.”

That’s your answer, right? You know what you must do. To love him means to tell him the truth, which is that the relationship hasn’t been working for a long time.

He might want another chance (I can’t tell from your letter whether he’ll see this coming), so you’ll have to think about your boundaries. Are you open to giving it more time if he says he wants to change? Is there anything he can do to make this better? If you’re done with him no matter what, you need to be prepared to tell him why. And if you have concerns about how he takes the news, reach out to someone you share to help him with the next steps.

As for the dog, ask your boyfriend what he thinks. It’s the one area where he can have some control, so allow him to be an important part of the discussion. Technically, the dog was a gift to you, but he paid the bills. If he wants it for himself, you should think about saying goodbye to both of them. If he asks for shared custody, that works (I’ve seen it done), but you should do your drop-offs and pick-ups at a public place or, better yet, a friend’s house. You don’t want these meetings to feel too intimate and to confuse the terms of the breakup. The boundaries have to be clear, especially in the beginning.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the breakup happen? Will the guy never date again? And what about the dog?

Breakups 🖤