I’ve been with the same guy for five years. He broke up with me in January, but we ended up sort of back together in a confusing not-really-sure-where-we-are place.

He told me numerous times during our breakup that he doesn’t fit what I am looking for in a relationship, and I should go find that. Well, instead of me finding that after he suddenly broke it off, we started spending time together again. We went fishing with my kids, he brought us all treats, he brought lots of gifts for me. 

Fast forward to the current situation. I have two kids with my ex-husband, a teen and pre-teen. Their father is not involved at all, and since my ex last broke up with me and we never talked about what we were, etc., I felt it was too confusing for him to discipline my kids. He wasn’t around a lot, he isn’t their dad, we aren’t a partnership, and the inconsistency is not helpful. 

I asked for boundaries when it comes to discipline, and to work with me on it. Then he said a lot of things like “I notice you do this,” “What about when this happens?,” and “Realistically you will have to go with the flow when it comes to corrective feedback due to (my son) needing a lot of feedback.”

We haven’t seen each other in over a month now and I am having a hard time. I tried to tell him how I feel and that I miss him, but he came back and told me things about my behavior and really didn’t address anything. 

It’s weird because everything was literally fine before I asked for boundaries. I was really looking for acknowledgement of the boundary request, and to work together. I am wondering if I should just let it go. After, he said “You’re doing it again. You’re making this about my behavior when we are talking about YOUR behavior” I didn’t reply to that and then a few days later he asked to borrow a cat trap. What?

– What are we?