Hi Meredith,

I read the letters/comments every day, and since I’ve been struggling with my own love life recently, I figured I would send a note.

I have been with my boyfriend for about six years. He moved in last March, which I thought would surely lead to us getting engaged, but he had been acting weird about it. One day in November, I was out with a friend and he left me a voicemail crying and saying that he wasn’t ready to get married and that he had just moved out. He literally moved every last thing he owned out while I was gone! The very next day, he called asking me to let him back. He took me out and bought an engagement ring, and I let him move back (because I thought he had just panicked, but now I am second guessing). Now that this happened, I really don’t have much trust in the relationship anymore.

I am also worried about our shared interests (or lack thereof). If I suggest going to dinner or doing an activity, he typically complains about money (although we split the bills/rent 50-50 and take turns paying when we do go out, not to mention that he has no student loans or debt). However, he will think nothing of spending money golfing every weekend in the summer, and this past weekend he bought tickets for a big game. It makes me feel that time with me is not “worth” anything to him. I have tried taking up golf in an effort to do more things together, but I just don’t feel that we are sharing each other’s interests. I love to ski, and every year he promises he will try, but that has never happened. I also love to travel, but we have never vacationed together. We were planning a vacation in May, but he recently said he thought it was too much money. I also go to many family functions alone because he doesn’t want to go.

But then, if I mention all of this to him, he says he loves me and wants to be with me and he will make more of an effort. But less than a week later we are back to the status quo. Sometimes I feel even more lonely when I am with him than when I have been single.

I’ve felt conflicted for the past few months, and his moving out back then makes it even worse. As an aside, I am 30 and he is 31 (as commenters are often wondering about ages). I worry about spending another six years with someone who isn’t compatible, but then the thought of starting over again is exhausting. Honestly, if it were a friend in my situation, I would have told her to break it off a long time ago. It’s just really difficult when you are in it.

I know the commenters are going to rip me to shreds, but I am just looking for some guidance (and I am sorry this was long!).

– Heartsick in Mass.