We were going to introduce our cats to each other

Thursday | December 19, 2024

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

We were going to introduce our cats to each other

I was ghosted on my 29th birthday and it is destroying me.

I was seeing a girl for five weeks and everything was great. We were super affectionate. We never fought outside of one instance where she decided to get drunk with her friends before going out on a date – but she made up for it by making plans the following week.

Both of us had just gotten out of relationships. Mine lasted six months, hers lasted two years. We started seeing each other a few weeks after both of our relationships ended. Our first date was amazing and we really hit it off and we were almost inseparable. The week before she ghosted me, we were making plans for her to bring her cat to my apartment to meet my cats.

Then, on the Saturday before my birthday, she had family issues and we had to bail on our reservations for my birthday dinner. I understood because she was having a difficult time. I can’t get into detail because it is her business and it’s personal, but she had a very good excuse with these specific family issues.

Then my birthday rolls around and I did not hear from her at all. I texted her a total of 10 times throughout the day, and had it not been my birthday it probably would have been less, but she was the only person I wanted to hear from. The only communication I received from her was a couple days later when she told me to throw away the stuff she left at my apartment.

She claimed that she needed space on my birthday, but she never communicated that and admitted she didn’t communicate that. Then we never even had a conversation about things ending or how we can both be better in situations like that. She was just gone and now I’m blocked on everything.

Why would someone ghost someone like that? If we had a conversation, we could have been on good terms, but she didn’t think I was worth an explanation. And the crazy part is, I would take her back if she ever reached out, but it seems less and less likely by the day.

– Ghosted

You were ghosted on one important day, which might make the breakup easier to get over.

You don’t want to be with someone who ignores 10 texts on a birthday. You’re hoping to date someone who cares enough to say, “Hey, today is a mess. I hope it’s wonderful for you, and I’ll check in when I can.”

Please remember that she did end the relationship, even if she wasn’t as clear as you wanted her to be. She told you to throw out the stuff she left in your apartment. That’s quite a message! She also explained she needed space.

It sounds like her life is too complicated for quality time with you. That includes getting together in person and processing a breakup.

My guess (if guessing helps) is that the family issues are too much, and that she jumped into this relationship without enough thought.

I’m sorry, though. It’s a disappointment.

If there’s a lesson here it’s that sometimes you can lead with honest and concise communication. You can say – even in a voice memo to capture tone – “Hey, I was thinking of you today. I don’t want to bombard you with texts, but let me know when it feels good to talk.” If the other person doesn’t respond, at least you’ve been clear. (You can also do this once, as opposed to 10 times.)

Another takeaway? At five weeks, you’re still getting to know someone. If you’re a person who loves birthdays (I a Halloween girl myself), it’s better to pack them with plans that include people who’ve been around forever, who will show up no matter what.

Focus on those people right now, even if it’s just one or two friends who can distract you as you move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Did this relationship move too quickly? What about the last breakup? Have you ever texted someone 10 times (with no response) in one day?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Birthday disappointment Breakups 🖤 Ghosted

Featured Comment

In the grand scheme of things 5 weeks is not a long time and as someone who also got ghosted on my birthday once, of all the days that is definitely one of the least fun days to get ghosted, but you will be so much better off with someone who won’t do this to you down the line.

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