We dated intensely for a month and then ... nothing

Thursday | May 29, 2025

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

We dated intensely for a month and then … nothing

We are giving away pairs of tickets to a Love Letters night at “Two Strangers (Carry a Cake Across New York,” a musical at the American Repertory Theater. I have now seen the show, and I will say: it is very Love Letters. There is an entire wonderful song about Tinder swiping.

You can enter to win tickets here. Honestly, this show is great for friends, and if you’re getting married this year, take someone in your wedding party as a thank you.

You can also buy tickets to that Love Letters performance, which includes a very Love Letters after-show talk.

I’m a 56-year-old male. Last year, a female friend in her early 40s asked me to dinner, and it became clear this was a date. We saw each other pretty intensely for about a month, then she started avoiding me. Finally she told me that she had been in a bad relationship the year before and didn’t want to get into another relationship. I said OK and stopped calling her.

Afterward, when I ran into her, I would say “hello” but wouldn’t stop and chat, and her responses were also pretty brusque. Then she started giving me looks and smiles. This year she got a temporary gig down south, and I did text her to ask if she was OK, and to say that I had been distant so as not to make her uncomfortable. She replied that I had “missed the signs.” We texted a little afterwards but then she went distant again. I was hoping to talk to her when she came back but now the temporary gig is permanent.

I still have feelings for her, and wonder whether I should stay in touch and see if I can resolve her ambivalence and fear of commitment, or if I should just let her go? If taking a shot at resolving is worth it, how would I go about it? She’s hard to pin down.

– Signs

It’d be one thing if she were local, but she isn’t.

She was difficult to read when you could see her in person. How would you decipher her code from many miles away?

If you’re into guessing games, that’s fine. I bet you can find someone in town to give you a bunch of hints and clues about how they feel. But if you want real companionship – for more than one intense month – it’d be nice to be able to communicate clearly with someone.

It sounds like the mystery of this woman has taken up a lot of real estate in your mind. That might be more about your unanswered questions, and less about how much you actually like her.

I was thinking I might advise you to ask her what happened, from her perspective, so you can get some closure and feel better about whatever you do next. But I don’t trust her to give you an answer. I’m not sure she knows the answer.

Give yourself a break and see who else is out there.

– Meredith

Readers? If you have to guess about signals, is it worth it? Is that part of the courtship process, no matter what?

What’s on your mind about sickness and health, love and money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Getting back together Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

Just let her be. She doesn’t live close to you, and it seems she’s not in contact with you. If she happens to reach out, just be polite and be a good friend.

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