‘Tis The Season For Missing Him

Wednesday | December 14, 2016

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

‘Tis The Season For Missing Him

Hi Meredith,

My problem/situation is about moving on. I was in a serious relationship that ended eight months ago. We were both in our mid-20s. We dated for almost two years and we had even discussed marriage and moving together (I am from out of state and wanted to move back home). It was one of those relationships that started off very dramatic. We fell in love quickly, and for the first year it was wonderful. We were each other’s best friends. During the last year, things were not as great, and it mostly had to do with my communication skills. I would get upset over something, and instead of talking about it, I would make it into a HUGE deal and was super dramatic about it. He did not know how to deal with it and would just walk away. We stilled cared about each other, we just didn’t know how to deal with the hard times.

It was a mutual breakup, and the last seven months have been so wonderful. I went on a couple of dates after the breakup and then decided it was time to just be single. I am having a great time being single. I have become a better person and I have worked on my communication skills with my friends. Overall, I am a happier person. However, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had been this better person in my past relationship? Would we have worked out?

I know that he does not want to get back together but I wonder if things would be different if he spent some time with the new and better me. Everyone keeps telling me to “get out there” and meet new guys, but I am not sure if I want to. I just miss him. I already spend most of my time with friends and loved ones. I have picked up new hobbies and I have been trying out new things by myself. I feel like I have checked every box on “how to get over your ex.” I really did not start feeling this way until about a month or so. How do I truly move on? Is this just a seasonal thing? Thank you!

– Girl who might not be over her ex

You’ve learned some great lessons since the breakup, but that doesn’t mean you should hop into a time machine and try your relationship all over again. You’ve changed, which means your ex-boyfriend has, too. The first year of your relationship is ancient history. Remember it fondly, but focus on the reality of now.

I do think you should “get out there,” even though dating can be annoying. I do think it’ll remind you that there are other people in the world, and that some of them have interesting things to say.

I also think that you should reassess how you feel in a few months. You mentioned the season, and you’re right – it doesn’t help. Every time a radio station plays “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” people stare out windows and think about their exes. Every time it’s the Chrissie Hynde version, some exes get texted. Life always look different in March.

Moving on takes time. Sometimes it takes more than eight months of being happy alone. For now, hang a shining star upon the highest bough – and hang in there.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this about the holidays?

Breakups 🖤