Are you still here to study? If so, please seek counseling at school. Most colleges have accessible therapy programs.

Your breakup grief is interrupting your sleep and and your ability to have happy moments. It sounds like an all-day commitment, which makes it difficult to concentrate on other fun pursuits, like hobbies and meeting new people.

It would be wonderful to have the energy to connect with others. Maybe you could discover a few close friends who, over time, can understand you like this man did.

Think of it this way: even if he were here right now, and you were together, you’d still need to make new friends and have experiences without him. It would be unhealthy to give him 100 percent of your time.

That’s always been my signal for when to ask a therapist for tools to deal with any kind of grief; if it’s been many, many months and I am setting aside more time for sadness about a person than I would have given them if they were around, the balance is off.

As you seek more help, please know: 

1. He’s not gone, you will always share history. Let him remain important without being part of your present.

2. The next five years will turn that quarter of life into … a fifth. If you consider that he was with you for three years, that goes down to 12 percent (somebody check my math). Life keeps happening. Please let these new percentage points count.

3. He might seem like the answer to loneliness, but he’s not. There are a lot of people out there – right here, actually – who seek a community that feels like home. Many of them are studying and figuring it out, just like you. Do your best to find them.

– Meredith