It sounds like your recent experience was unpleasant and hurtful. I’m sorry you’re going through it.

I notice you call this experience a “sort of breakup.” That makes me wonder what it actually was. Is it possible that the fuzziness of a “situationship” had one of you investing more than the other?

I’m guessing, of course. You didn’t tell us much about this “switch-up.” 

Unfortunately, there is no litmus test for intentions, other than to see if people’s words match their behavior over time. If you’re on month seven and someone continues to show up in the right ways, that’s promising. If they tell you they want forever at month two, that might be weird. 

Every now and then, a person who has been 100 percent clear and honest about their romantic intentions will simply … change their mind. It’s awful. Hopefully they’ll be kind and honest about what’s happening before they walk away.

That’s another thing that comes to mind; I’ve noticed that occasionally, when people decide to break up, they delete what has already happened. They say, “I never wanted that. I never loved you. I was not an active participant in what was built here.” But they were! And they did! I’m not sure why some feel the need to erase history when they make a change. Please know, no one can take your experience from you. It’s yours to keep.

How do you move on without bringing your fears into the next relationship? It helps to let yourself be sad about this one. Also give yourself permission to be scared.

But don’t forget your strength. If the worst thing that happens is that you wind up single and independent again, you’ll be OK.

Also know this: your instincts are probably great. There’s a difference between intuition and clairvoyance. You can trust your gut, even if it can’t read people’s minds or predict the future.

– Meredith