His Stuff Is Still In The Basement

Monday | July 25, 2016

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

His Stuff Is Still In The Basement

Hello,

A little over a year ago, my fiancé broke up with me. He said I wasn’t growing with the relationship, and that I was selfish for keeping him around knowing that I didn’t want the same things he did. He also has a very volatile personality, so conversations with him often turned into arguments, which turned into name calling (on his part, not mine).

I’ve tried to handle things amicably but it hasn’t gone well. We were still sleeping together occasionally until about two months ago. I still have feelings for him, and sometimes he reciprocates, but in the end, there are too many hurt feelings to get over. I’ve finally realized I can’t do it anymore.

My problem is that all of his things are still at my apartment. I’ve boxed everything up, which wasn’t easy, and put everything in storage in my basement. He has reached out repeatedly over the last six months or so stating that he would be grabbing his things (he has a key to the storage area, not the apartment), but he still hasn’t done it. On top of that, he gets angry and will lash out via text and over the phone about how he wants the furniture in the apartment, etc. So I guess my question is: What do I do with all of his things? Do I just leave them there until he finally comes to get them? I feel like I don’t have closure. I love him but I know that we will never be able to be where we once were, and the stagnancy of the situation is making me insane.

– I Have His Stuff, Boston

You’re in Boston, not New York City, which means you’re probably six degrees of separation from someone with a truck. Now is the time to tell everyone you know that you’re looking for assistance with a move. Ask friends and family to help you find a vehicle/labor so you can get your ex’s stuff out of the apartment as soon as possible.

Tell your ex, meanwhile, that the storage space must be used for something else, and that unless he has a specific plan for his belongings, you’re happy to arrange a drop-off (and a pickup of that key).

If you can’t find anyone with a truck, it’s worth renting one for a day. It’s an expense – and not a tiny one – but you’re seeking to preserve your peace of mind. It makes sense to spend the money to clear out your basement – and your head.

Don’t let this go on and on until he’s ready to get organized. You’re allowed to set the terms so that you can move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the letter writer just wait? Rent a truck?

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

She is not responsible for storing his things. He’s had a year to get them and is probably just using the constant back and forth to still have leverage and pull on LW’s life. Telling her to make it easy for him and schlep his stuff to him continues the co-dependent role she’s put herself in. She needs to own her power and set boundaries.

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