We’re Still Connected On Social Media

Friday | August 14, 2020

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

We’re Still Connected On Social Media

Have a good weekend. Send your own relationship questions to [email protected].

Hello Meredith,

A year ago I met a man who was an exchange student in Mexico, the country where I’m from. We met online and we dated for more than two weeks while he was in my city. We had a nice connection and we did many things together. We cooked, read, and even traveled together. When he went home I thought it was over, but we continued to text and he would call me every day. Not only about random things, but romantic things. That lasted for five months. I felt so connected to him and we both said we were sad about the distance and made plans for me to visit in December.

Starting December, when my trip was close, he started to change his attitude toward me, like he was trying to pull away and start reducing the contact. We talked about it and he said it was nothing and that he wanted to see me. Once I was there, he treated me as he did in Mexico and it was wonderful, but before my vacation finished we had a serious talk where he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me because he hates long-distance relationships. He said he just wanted to be my friend because he likes me and I was “special” to him. Of course it broke my heart because I was in love with him and he knew it. But he explained that during the last month we were apart, he worked on killing the romantic feelings he had for me.

When I came back to Mexico, he was still sending me cute messages and photos of things we enjoyed together. At first I was avoiding him because of the way he made me feel, but after some time I started to reply his messages thinking that he had changed his mind. Then all of a sudden he stopped replying back and even ghosted me. The last thing I knew about him was that he started a new relationship. We don’t talk but we still follow each other on social media. I avoid him completely now, but he still sees my status and stories. Why is he still paying attention?

– Attention

He’s paying attention because he can. Social media makes it so easy to check up on exes. It’s a low-stakes game; you can follow an ex and watch their stories without the action having to mean anything at all. It’s a far more passive exercise than googling an ex. When I’m asked whether social media is positive force in keeping people connected, this falls on the bad side of my pro-con list. It’s difficult to maintain boundaries with an ex when there are so many easy ways to remain tethered.

Honestly, it sounds like you understand what happened here and that you’re asking how to get over it. If it causes you pain to see that he’s checked your status and watched your stories, please block him. It’s not rude to shut him out. But if you’re mostly OK and simply curious about why he would look, remember that some people are on social media a lot. They look at everything. He could be one of those people who scrolls forever.

My real advice is to think less about all of this. I know that’s easier said than done, but this letter is about a relationship from your past that only exists on platforms that are not real life. Maybe spend some time writing a letter to yourself about what you hope you’ll find in your next relationship. Maybe read books that give you new romances to think about (I recommend romance novels to everyone right now).

Find some new questions. You know the answer to this one.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you move on from someone who’s still watching?

Social Media 🖤 Distance Unrequited Love Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

so he ghosted you, is in a new relationship and you don’t talk to him. Just because he likes your FB status/IG stories, big whoop. That’s not ‘paying attention’. I click ‘like’ of accounts of people I don’t even know. Stop thinking about him. Just move on. He’s in a relationship and didn’t want to do a long distance relationship which was a smart move on his part.

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