Hi Meredith,

My boyfriend of six years ended our relationship two years ago. I came home from work one evening and all of his belongings were gone. My whole world stopped.

Allow me to backtrack. We met in college. It was a storybook romance that started when I walked into a college party. We locked eyes and talked all night. The next evening he showed up at my apartment and threw rocks at my window. I came outside to greet him and from that night on we became best friends and lovers. We graduated, traveled, spent every weekend together, and it was perfect. One day he told me he planned on changing his career to go to medical school. I was right by his side in his decision even though I realized at our age, by the time he finished, we would be well into our 30s. (What about family and kids? Marriage?)

He started a medical job in the city and we decided to move in together. That’s when everything changed. We became two different people. He was stressed with work and studying, and I became stressed with money for bills and loans. I don’t know where it went wrong, but we started to be angry and irritated with each other. Looking back I realize we were taking our stresses out on each other instead of trying to support each other. He would go out all night with his friends, and I would do the same with mine. One day I snapped and told him I would never move with him if he got into medical school. I said this out of anger, thinking we’d been together for so long that he would never leave and that it was just another fight. The next day, he was gone.

After our breakup, I moved home with my parents, I was depressed and couldn’t get out of bed. He instantly got an apartment in the city by himself and changed his appearance, clothes, and even started dating within weeks. Every time I reached out, he would never respond or call back.

Months after our breakup, he called and asked me to lunch. It was like seeing each other for the first time again. We laughed and talked, he was so nervous, and we ended up spending the night together. He told me he loved me and that he was sorry for what he did. I left the next day thinking maybe there was hope for us, but when I tried to call him the next day I was shut out again. In the past year or so he has texted me, called me in the middle of the night, reached out on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and has even shown up to my apartment more than once confused about whether medical school was the right decision. He also mentioned the stresses of being with his new girlfriend who wants kids and marriage.

The last time I saw him, he stayed over my apartment. He told me he thinks about me every day, and that no one knows him like I do. I asked him if his girlfriend will go with him to medical school. He said he wasn’t sure, but he knew for certain it’s about what he wants, and if she doesn’t go, then it will not affect his decision to move.

And here we are today. He has moved away to medical school with his new girlfriend, and I have not heard from him since.
Meredith, am I looking for closure? Or am I in denial that I should have been more supportive in our relationship and gone with him to medical school? Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him.

– Should I Have Moved?