We were best friends, college sweethearts, and each other’s first loves. It ended about a year and a half ago. Before we met, we’d struggled with emotional adversity and we both came a long way together. But I believe she was in a more complicated place when we met because she’d spent many years dealing with an illness. When we broke up, she asked for some time to focus on herself and her school program, and with an optimistic tone in her voice said that “in a year or so who knows” what could be. The few conversations we had shortly after that were emotionally raw and painful for both of us. Eventually she stopped replying to me and has likely tried to move on. I haven’t reached out since right after the breakup.

During the relationship, her tendency was to try to cop out and pull away when things got difficult. I could always make it better with gentle persistence and patience. Now I find myself just as heartbroken and bereft as when we first broke up. She is still the only person I can see myself with, and I feel compelled to connect with her again. If I try and she ignores me, I know it will hurt me beyond belief. If I try and she rejects me, that would also destroy me. But carrying on not talking to her, letting time and distance create a gulf between us, is killing me already. And not taking chances never got me anywhere. Do you have any advice about reconnecting after there has been some pain and distance between people?

Also, I don’t know exactly how to go about it. I am thinking of writing a letter and mailing it. And I think I should avoid any request for reconciliation, no begging or bargaining, just saying a short, simple, and positive message that she is still in my thoughts. What do you think?

– Wanting to Reconnect