Should I have given this relationship more time?

Q.

I recently dated a man (59) who was kind, smart, and funny. I am a 64-year-old woman. Although I don’t mind being alone, I really enjoyed his company for a while. 

Three months into relationship I realized I was kidding myself because he works months at a time in different parts of multiple states. Recently and coincidentally his dad passed away, so he went from work to where his family lives in another state. I got tired of waiting for him and broke it off. 

I hardly saw him but we texted every single day and throughout day. I feel bad and guilty for breaking it off at a time he lost a parent, but I couldn’t take that kind of long-distance relationship anymore. I broke if off by text since that’s mostly how we communicated. Do you think there was a chance for us or just call it a learning experience and move on?

– Broke It Off

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A.

You wanted to break up with this man, so you did. I’m not sure there’s any other answer.

You could have waited it out and continued to send messages, but you didn’t. Can you trust your gut on this one?

It’s easy to get roped into a penpal relationship, but that’s not what you’re looking for. Also, it doesn’t sound like he was finding ways to bridge the gap. You never visited him while he traveled, right? He never suggested FaceTimes instead of texts? How much did you even get to know his home life? You wanted more, and he couldn’t offer it.

The timing feels weird because of his dad, but there’s no great moment to end a relationship like this. It might be better for him to start texting people who can be there for him. You wouldn’t want to become his primary text support system and then abandon the conversation later.

Some people might suggest that this man is not always out of town for work, that his dad is just fine, and that this was more of a scam than anything else. We hear a lot about suspicious scenarios where people are out of reach 90 percent of the time, and the details don’t all add up. I don’t know if that’s what was happening here, but now you’ll never have to wonder. 

It was a learning experience, and yes, it’s time to move on.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this worth second-guessing? Do text-heavy relationships make people feel closer than they are?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

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