Should I be friends with this ex?
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Q.
Should I be friends with my ex? We broke up amicably a few weeks ago. He wants me to keep in touch with him, but I don’t text him much, as he’s in a new relationship. We’ve broken up before, and we always stay friends after it happens.
This time, it’s final on my part. I don’t want to get back together anymore. I met someone new as well.
The new relationship is casual for now – we just met – but I think we will be good for each other. The friendship thing with my ex always leads back to dating again. I don’t want to let that happen this time. When I start to date my ex again, it always ends when he meets another woman. I don’t want to keep being dumped.
My new guy is very much what I’m looking for. Never been wowed by a man until he came along. Thinking I’m going to take a risk and see how it pans out for me. I’m not talking to my ex currently, but I probably will in a few months. By that time I could be in a relationship that is healthy, with a good man. But does that mean there’s no place for a friendship?
– Friends Again?
A.
For now, no friendship.
In a few months, no matter your dating status, no friendship. Not yet.
Give yourself time to separate from him in all ways. You probably need many, many months on your own before it feels like a new normal. He shouldn’t be part of the routine at all.
Eventually, when he’s more of an afterthought, you might be able to build something new with him. Friendship doesn’t have to mean hanging out, confiding in each other, and doing the things you did when you were a couple. Some of the best relationships with exes are text-based. Reaching out when you remember an old TV episode you watched together, or asking a question … like … “Remember when I tried to grow bangs? Lol.”
It’s not all or nothing. You can honor what you experienced together without making it feel like it’s important at this moment.
You have a new kind of life. Don’t clutter it by planning a friendship that’s meant for later.
Just live, fully broken up (finally!), and enjoy yourself.
– Meredith
Readers? When, if ever, should a friendship happen? How do you know when it’s a good time to try? Would this LW’s ex be a good friend, considering the pattern? If this new relationship doesn’t work out, should the LW start the friendship again?
Be civil. Be kind.
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