I am a 22-year-old man who should be in a four-year relationship with a 23-year-old woman. I use that phrasing because in the fall of my junior year of college (two years ago), she moved far away with her family and expected to return, but was never able to. We kept in touch every day, planned for her return, and continued a long-distance relationship. A full academic year went by and she was still there, and after one more failed attempt for her to return, I made a mistake involving her former best friend at the college I attended. She was devastated and sought out therapy.

We worked to try to get back on track, and by the start of my senior year it seemed she would return again. This time I fronted the money for the airfare since she was struggling to make money where she was. I remodeled my single bedroom to accommodate her, got her a puppy because she’d lost hers during so many moves, and tried to make a home for us as best I could.

But she missed many, many flights, and to this day is still there. In the midst of this, I compounded my mistakes several times with other women. She was wonderful, though, and stuck by me through it all. But I grew emotionally exhausted with our situation. She could feel my disdain.

Over the summer, she said she felt as though she didn’t love me anymore, partly because of all of the mistakes I’d made in her absence. I suggested she try seeing a different therapist for perspective, but it had the opposite effect I’d hoped for, and she decided that coming back would be the worst mistake of her life. While this has unfolded over the past few months, I lost a great job, had to give up the puppy because I couldn’t take care of him without help, and lost many friends to moves. I have learned a lot about myself through these events. I know in my heart that I am truly different and no longer making empty promises – no longer making mistakes. How do I convey this to her despite the distance and her desire to move on with someone else? I’ve planned my life around her. She is my person. I am willing to take drastic measures to demonstrate my love and commitment to her. Please help.

– a fool across many oceans