She already has someone else on her Netflix account

Wednesday | March 25, 2026

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

She already has someone else on her Netflix account

Important note: We are giving away three pairs of tickets to a free preview screening of “The Drama,” the Robert Pattinson/Zendaya movie that filmed around Boston. The screening is Sunday evening in Somerville. You can win your way in by sending a question to Love Letters between now and Friday at 11 a.m. Winners will be notified Friday afternoon.

The question form is here. Just click the box that says you’d like to be entered for the tickets.

Now for a long one.

We met when I was in Boston after college and she was visiting the city.

We were long-distance for years and eventually I moved to New York to be with her.

We shared an active lifestyle, a sense of humor, and an interest in similar TV and movie genres. We also shared depression diagnoses.

We moved in together a year later, outside of the city. Over the years, we went on several domestic and foreign trips, grew closer, and created countless memories.

We got engaged in 2023, but the planning was paused until we were both in an economically sound position. My fiancée, an introvert, never truly sought out opportunities to get more acclimated to the area. It was close enough to both of our families.

Soon our relationship was slowly deteriorating and we sought couples counseling. But she only went to appointments to appease me without truly seeking a collaborative resolution to repair the situation.

While I admittedly could’ve tried harder as well, she wasn’t interested in fixing the issue, even if it only made up a relatively small portion of our whole relationship. It seemed fixable to the very end.

Our rent was going to increase upon renewal of the lease, so we opted to leave and my fiancée insisted on going back to long-distance as a short term solution.

She headed to the city, and I was outside of it.

When my beloved cat died the week we moved out, she blamed his death on me for some unfounded reason despite what the vet had said about this condition and illness.

When I visited her a few weeks later, she acted like nothing was wrong as we followed her schedule, and I helped her get groceries and finish unpacking. Yet on the morning that I left, she handed me the engagement ring back with not a single word. (In the moment, I couldn’t bare the thought of taking it back so I just went without it.)

Just like that, after more than seven years of joyful experiences and lifelong memories, it was all over. I pleaded with her not to let it end, especially this way. But she wouldn’t listen.

I’m fortunate to have a therapist and support system while doing what I can to move on or avoid it, but it still looms in my mind.

When she likes my occasional social media posts now, it’s like the digital equivalent to a stab in the back. She moved on within weeks and it couldn’t be clearer than when some random guy’s profile already appeared on her Netflix account when I was removing mine.

I try to put my pain in perspective and in context with the conflicts in the world right now; unlike so many, I have food, shelter, health, safety, community. But this has been the toughest time of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I’m in my early 30s now and can’t help but think about the more than half a decade lost forever, the money spent and time wasted. But also the memories and the love that I’ll never get back.

–Anonymous in Agony

“I try to put my pain in perspective and in context with the conflicts in the world right now …”

Don’t do this. Breakups are their own category of awful. There’s no need to compare them to international events or terrible health problems. You’re allowed to feel bad because you lost a relationship. If we had to consider the scope of everyone’s misery before our own, we’d never feel a feeling.

As for the relationship, it’s not wasted time. Maybe some wasted money? But let’s not think about that. (That said, if you want your ring back, ask for it.)

You had a wonderful romance that turned into a long-term relationship. After that, despite all the wedding talk, I’m not sure if you ever had a life partner. You did the work to acclimate to a new community. Then you did work in therapy.

She didn’t want to do that labor – and perhaps it’s good she didn’t. Her actions (or lack thereof) told you she wasn’t interested in a shared life. Perhaps she saved you time by doing what she wanted, moving to the city, and saying goodbye.

I can’t speak to her decisions … and the cat thing is very weird. Regardless, it sounds like you need to continue to move through this grief with help from your therapist.

As you do that, please lean into curiosity about yourself. You might be asking, “How could she do this? What was her motivation?” But the answers aren’t there. Let yourself be the subject of all questions. Look inward and ask, “What do I want to do next? Do I like where I live? Should I move? Could I benefit from a cool haircut?”

You get to do whatever you want now. Start letting that be fun.

Also, block her on social media and delete all shared streaming accounts. There’s no need to see any of it.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on relationships that end with big questions and a lack of real conversation? What do you make of the cat part of the story? What about that ring?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? A friendship? A crush? A spouse? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Breakups 🖤