A few months ago, I began dating a divorced man I met online. We’ve been seeing each other exclusively the entire time. He’s in his early 40s and I’m in my mid-30s. He’s been divorced for over a year and was married for about 10. I really like this man and when we’re together, I’m definitely content.

He shares a dog with his ex, which he gets every other weekend. My issue started recently when it was my birthday during the week, and we had agreed to go out to dinner a few nights later on the weekend. The day before our date, I asked if we were still on, and he said that he forgot that he had his dog for the weekend, and that we could get together that night instead. His birthday was that weekend as well, and after a few conversations it came out that he was getting the dog for the weekend because a) his ex was going to be out of town, and the day of our date was the only night he could get it from her and b) because their first date was on his birthday (over a decade ago), and his ex “felt bad.”

I expressed that it sounded like he isn’t over his ex/the situation, and he claimed that he is, and that since I haven’t been in such a long-term relationship, I don’t think like a person who does. He said, “When you are with someone for a decade, it doesn’t lose its significance just because you aren’t married.” This sounds incredibly defensive to me, and raises many red flags, however, because I don’t have that experience, perhaps I should give him the benefit of the doubt? I’d like to know what everyone thinks about that.

He doesn’t talk about the ex much at all, and has said in the past that they don’t talk, except about dog coordination, so I believe him. I also expressed that the last-minute rescheduling bothered me, and he dismissed it saying that we still saw each other, so it shouldn’t matter. That too annoyed me, because he clearly wasn’t recognizing my feelings. We had a lengthy conversation about it, but it didn’t seem to accomplish anything.

– Wondering about his ex