Hi Meredith,

It’s been more than four months since my boyfriend and I officially broke up for the last time. The first time was last summer. We tried again in October and I couldn’t do it. Then we broke up in January. This man was my best friend and made me laugh every day, and I felt like myself around him. This man also dragged me down, and being in a relationship with him gave me an uncomfortable feeling; it just never felt 100 percent right. I was always wondering if this was “it.” He was not particularly interested in having sex with me and was disconnected in that area. We could go for months without it, and it sort of became like living with a close friend.

I like to go out and meet new people, do exciting things, and have lots of fun. He would become tired and withdraw. During our time together, my anxiety became almost unbearable, and I decided to stop seeing anyone and just spend all my time with him. Push came to shove when my mom started to ask me if I wanted to marry this man and started to pressure me into a decision. My gut was telling me no. I became very unhappy knowing that I had to marry this person. I was anxious, depressed, and scared. When I saw him after a trip home for the holidays, I cried for days because I knew I should have been excited to see him, but I just wasn’t. I’m 29. I dated this person I wasn’t attracted to for 2.5 years.

I’m considering going into therapy to try to get rid of destructive thoughts I’m having. I feel like there is something wrong with me, and that he should have been enough for me. I feel like I should have forced myself to put up with the way I felt. I hate myself for not having found the one and for not being married. I want to stress that I am not unhappy now, but I am worried that I have made the wrong decision by leaving him. He tells me that I have made a mistake and just need to learn from it. He tells me that if I hadn’t thought so much about us, I could have been happy. He tells me that I made myself unhappy in the relationship in order to sabotage my own happiness. Thoughts?

– Whats wrong with me?