Hi,

I just found out that my ex-boyfriend cheated on me while we were dating. Or perhaps I was the other woman and had no idea. A little background: We are from different countries and met in a third country while in graduate school. He told me he had broken up with his ex, who was in the country where he’s from. We started dating and had been together and exclusive.

At one point in the relationship, which lasted the better part of a year, he went home to visit his family. But during that trip, he was with his ex, too. I don’t think his family knew about me. Recently – and randomly – I found pictures of this trip on Facebook, and his family referred to this woman in captions as his girlfriend, which means he hadn’t really broken up with her yet.

Even though we have now broken up, I feel so betrayed. He cheated on me while I thought we were still in the honeymoon phase. While he was on that trip home, he sent me photos and told me he missed me, and we even shared a lot of nudes. But the reality is he was having sex with her and spending time with her and his family.

The other confusing thing is that I don’t think our relationship was bad or anything. It was very passionate and intense. We had a lot in common and a great sex life. We broke up because of logistical circumstances – we were going to be too far away from each other in the next phase of our work. He wanted to try long-distance, and I said no because it’s just too hard. I told him that I wanted no contact, but he still reaches out sometimes.

I just feel like I was living a giant lie, and that everything we had was fake. I trusted him. I am so angry, confused, and heartbroken. The worst part is that it makes me feel so small and stupid. Now I’m having trouble getting over the whole experience.

– Betrayed