My Fiancé Vs. My Kid
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Q.My fiancé and I just split after seven years living together. We are both divorced and have two children. His children are pretty much estranged from his life but my 22 and 24-year-old live with me.
There has always been tension between one of my children and my fiancé. My fiancé feels that I am a horrible disciplinarian and that I need to demand that my 22-year-old take out the dog, the garbage, and help around the house. This is what caused us to break up. My fiancé and 22-year-old have not spoken to each other in almost two years while living in the same house, which has caused a tremendous amount of tension and turmoil. My fiancé harbors a lot of anger and can be verbally abusive with name-calling.
I love my children dearly, but I am also an madly in love with my fiancé. He is truly my best friend and soul mate. Now we have split, he has moved out, the ring has been returned, and I am alone. My 22-year-old has a significant other and spends all his time with him, so he is happy. And although he says he loves me, I really do not think he cares. I am confused because I know verbal abuse is never acceptable, but I love my fiancé very much and can not imagine being with anyone else. Everyone needs to mend fences, but no one thinks they are wrong, so no one will apologize. Right now I am totally devastated and confused.
– devastated and confused
A.It’s your fiancé’s fault that this relationship is over. Instead of working to preserve your partnership, he left your home after seven years. He wouldn’t admit that he did anything wrong, and refused to be the bigger person and apologize to your 22-year-old.
He probably had a point about the chores, but it doesn’t matter now. My guess is that there was more to his departure than his problems with your kid. Long relationships don’t end over who walks the dog.
Right now, your fiancé should be doing everything he can to keep you in his life. He isn’t, which means you have to move on. It’s scary to be alone, but it’s worse to be with someone who harbors anger and takes it out on you and your family. Your best bet is to find a therapist, sooner than later, so you can talk about your history with this man and consider what’s next.
Readers? Should she consider taking this man back? What happened here? What about his relationship with his own kids?
– Meredith
Be civil. Be kind.
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