My ex hasn't moved out

Tuesday | April 22, 2025

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

My ex hasn’t moved out

Congrats to all who ran (and rooted for loved ones) during the Boston Marathon yesterday. I hope everybody remembered Rachel Revere on Friday.

We’ve been together for six years. Earned degrees, made cross-country moves, were very much in love. The thing is, you can be in love and ready to move on at the same time.

I let her know in January that when the lease ends at the end of May, we do too. Thing is, things are fine. Mild. I’m bored, and we’re basically playing house and kisses are short and quite obsolete.

Her new apartment lease started a few weeks ago, but she is still here. Can I ask her to move out and I stay? I’ve ben really kind, gave her months of notice so she can save, and told her I can help her move out (if she would like).

I’m so ready to move on. How can she be happy staying here when she has the option to leave?!

– Staying

If she’s already has a new place (and is paying for it), you can ask her when she intends to go. It would help to have a date on the calendar so you’re sure it’s coming.

I wouldn’t try to force her out until her name is off your shared lease, but you can ask for information, letting her know it’s on your mind.

Try to be patient, within reason.

After six years and an amicable breakup, I hope you can sit through one more month of discomfort. If you’re staying in your place – and you initiated the breakup – she’s the one who’s adjusting to big change she didn’t ask for.

Also consider taking some trips this month. Is there a friend who can put you up for a week? Someone you’d like to visit? If you’re out of the house, you’re giving your ex space to pack without an audience, and you’re also telling her, “If you continue to be here, I won’t be.”

Start with a conversation about logistics. It might be a simple one – and then you’ll know what’s coming.

– Meredith

Readers? How long have you lived with an ex after that person became an ex? How should this letter writer communicate needs without being mean? Or is it time for mean?

What’s on your mind about dealing with exes, dating, love, loss, complicated friendships, work crushes, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Get a little love in your inbox!

Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein

Everything's perfect but … Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

“I let her know in January that when the lease ends at the end of May, we do too.” – that’s a mixed message. In her mind, you’re still a couple until the end of May. It doesn’t help that you still kiss here and there. That’s on you to clarify.

dangleparticiple Share Thoughts