Hi Meredith,

I have been in a six-year relationship with my boyfriend. Much of our relationship was long-distance because he’s in the military. Despite the distance, my trust was strong and our relationship was good. But in 2015, I discovered he had a fake Facebook account for sex chats, and that he was a member of numerous online hookup groups. Shocked and angry, I confronted him. He was defensive at first, but later he apologized and promised he wouldn’t do it ever again. I accepted him back and we continued our long-distance relationship.

But my trust was not as strong. I was insecure and my probing nature resulted in many arguments. He was patient and understood that his past actions were the reason I distrusted him so much. But – during this difficult time – I was vulnerable and had an intimate moment with an ex-boyfriend. I know it was very wrong on my part, but I was not myself after my boyfriend broke my trust.

Last fall, we finally moved to the same city for graduate school. During this time, my boyfriend found out that I had a weak moment with my ex. Though he was extremely angry, he forgave me and we decided to begin again. Our relationship was much better and we were planning on getting married after graduation.

Then, last month, I took a vacation, and when I returned, I found Tinder downloaded on his phone. I did not find any conversations, but it broke my heart just to see that app. It brought back painful memories and I broke up with him. It’s been nearly two weeks and we’ve not spoken. But I want to know: Is it worth giving him another chance and maybe going to counseling? Or was it best to end it?

– Second-guessing