Letter writer update: I found someone new

Friday | May 3, 2024

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

Letter writer update: I found someone new

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married experiences? Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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Hi Meredith,

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind advice, and to all of the other commenters who were also kind and supportive (my letter was I feel angry, sad, embarrassed, betrayed … | Boston.com). To those who were not, I would recommend taking a breath before judging people and save your comments if they are not constructive. There is enough negativity in the world already.

A few things – I am not super young nor not did I desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I have a fulfilling career. This was one of the first times I had dated someone with kids, so obviously I learned from that experience, but I did not force myself on his family in the least. He was the one who wanted me to be very involved with the family and I was a supportive partner, but it was not me pushing myself on them. I was always clear I was there to support and not try to replace the two parents they already had. Mistakes were made, but mostly it was me not trusting myself.

I do have some fantastic news. I am currently with someone who does not have children and we have a much healthier relationship. I was also up front when we started dating that I would be open to the possibility of children. I had said this in my previous relationship and that person said he would be open to it, but then lied and gaslit me and claimed he never said that.

We are now expecting and we will both be first-time parents. I am excited to see what the future holds and much more optimistic and healing! I am continuing therapy and taking extra care of myself and the baby. I am looking forward to seeing what the future holds and definitely believe things happened this way for a reason.

Thanks again for your support!

– Formerly Struggling

Thanks for your update.

You didn’t ask for thoughts, but I’ll offer some anyway! (Love that unsolicited advice.)

1. This is an excellent reminder to all of us at Love Letters that we don’t have all the details – and that when advice is meant to help (even a little), it is so appreciated.

2. On the comments: sometimes hearing the wrong feedback clarifies what you know, for sure. This doesn’t excuse mean advice, of course. But letter writers often tell me that when I/commenters get it wrong, they can say, “Oh … these people don’t understand. But what I think about my own problem is now obvious.”

3. Your letter ran in January. Such big changes! I know you’re focused on the baby, but try to enjoy this new romantic relationship. You’re still figuring it out. That’s exciting.

4. I’m so glad you’re still in therapy so you have a place to talk about what’s coming. Also, I’m sure you’re still grieving the loss of the family you got to know. All of these things can happen at once, but it helps to have assistance as you navigate.

5. I hope this note reminds other letter writers that things can seem bleak after a breakup. Maybe it feels like love will never happen again, but sometimes it randomly does – between January and May. It took me a long time to be open to the idea that change happens, and that a lot of it can be good.

– Meredith

You can send your own question to [email protected] or use the anonynous form.

Love Letters Updates Single parents Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

“You play jumprope with the fine line between optimism and rose-tinted glasses. I hope as this relationship develops, you can find a way to be objective, consider your own needs and fulfillment, and set appropriate boundaries. I struggle to see how you could have developed those skills in the short time between letters. The whole point of advice is that it centers on judgment, so coming to an advice blog and admonishing judgment doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. It may feel convenient to praise what you see as positive judgment and chastise what you see as negative, but wisdom comes from being challenged, and it might do you some good to consider perspectives that make you feel uncomfortable. We don’t grow inside our comfort zones.”

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