I was seeing a man for three years, and over the course of our relationship, we both said we loved each other and were talking about a future. We were very affectionate, warm, and kind to one another. He is in his 50s and has four children (three are grown, one is a teenager). When I met him, he was figuring out what to do for work. For the past two summers, he has traveled across the country to work a summer gig and to spend time with his family out there. He was never good at communicating when he was out there –something we talked about and he admitted to. We talked about me joining him out there last summer, but I delayed my plans because of a work emergency. He said he understood. I was going to see him a few times for vacations anyway, so it all seemed fine, and we were going to get through it.

When he returned at the end of August, he was uncharacteristically distant. I asked him what he was feeling, and he came back with answers about how he was trying to figure out his finances. But I found text messages between him and another woman that were emotional and intimate – sharing pictures of his kids when they were little, telling her he loved and cared about her, and so on. I confronted him and asked if he was cheating, and he denied it. (I never said I found the text messages. Perhaps that was a mistake?)

I was angry and upset. I told him I loved him but that I drew the line at cheating, and walked out. He called a few days later to say he was feeling like he had high hopes for our relationship, but we were not reaching the deeper level he was hoping for. Again, I asked him about another woman, and he denied it. I am heartbroken. On the one hand, I feel betrayed and lied to, and on the other hand I feel guilty for not being more compassionate and hearing him out. Perhaps he might have responded differently if I had told him what I saw, and said that I wanted us to figure things out. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, and any insecurities he may have been feeling could easily have led to an emotional affair. After three years together, and given the amount of affection and warmth that was between us, I feel that what we had was worth working on. His breaking up with me feels like a rash decision, and the result of hurt feelings and some bruised egos.

I don’t think his emotional infidelity is acceptable, but I do think people make mistakes, and if they can be honest about what was going on, it can be worked out. He has contacted me twice over text message to say he thought I was doing a good job with some of the projects I was working on (he follows me on social media so he can see what I am up to), but I haven’t known how to respond, as the text messages did not invite conversation. Truthfully, I haven’t wanted to respond because I am still hurt. So … should I reach out to him for another conversation, or simply move on?

– Move on?