Hi, Meredith,

I’ve written before, but not about this man. I met “C” six months ago online. We fell very much in love. He embodies everything I want in another human being: he is loving, supportive of my career, talented, intelligent, and so attractive to me. He also has young kids from a previous marriage that ended a few years ago.

I met his ex-wife, who is very involved with the children. Though he no longer loves her and feels they were always poorly matched, C and his ex have a close relationship that they hope to maintain for the children. None of this bothers me. What bothers me is that he does not want to have more kids. C was fairly up front about this, but not necessarily about why, and I have always been tentative to pry. I have never been definitive about having my own children, but the possibility of losing the opportunity to make the choice for myself has made me truly question what I want. The two of us have talked several times about it, always arriving at a dead end.

Last week, for reasons not associated with children, we decided to be broken up. He and I had several talks leading up to this, in which he just completely shut down. He admitted that he’s always had a problem being emotionally open with partners and that he was starting therapy again to address this. I completely respect and love him for the decision, but it leaves me in a sort of limbo. Neither of us wants to be broken up, but to allow him the space he needs to learn about himself, we decided it’s best. However, we’re not completely cutting the cord, as we’ve decided to talk once weekly; all other communication has been cut off. Since this decision, I’ve been worried that I’m calling us “over” externally, while still hoping in my heart that we’re not. And I have no idea if that will be the outcome of all of this. I want to support him in this decision, because I think it’s absolutely the right one. I just don’t know what that means for me in the meantime…

– Standing Still