Hi Meredith,

I met “Sam” when I was in high school and he was in college (we were only two years apart) and we dated for several months. I was pretty miserable the entire time because he constantly made me feel like I was too young for him and like I was a burden, and I was putting myself in pretzels to prove that I was enough for him. He was also very controlling. He never let me take pictures of him or us together, never told his family or friends about me, and he even made me get a new, shorter dress for my prom the week before because he didn’t want me wearing heels around him (he was shorter than me).

Then, after dragging his feet to the prom and complaining he wasn’t “drunk enough to be there,” he dumped me over the phone. I was shattered. It was my first relationship and first breakup, and I had poured so much of my self-worth into it.

We only spoke one time since then, when he texted me a year later to apologize. I responded with clear boundaries to not contact me. I unfollowed him on social media immediately after we broke up, and moved on to seeing other people. But he still follows me, viewing and liking all my posts. I feel like everything I post now is just to prove to him that I’m not a dumb kid. It’s maddening and I can’t help myself from checking that he’s seen it. It’s made other relationships really hard and I don’t know how to heal from it, even two years later and in college myself now. What do I do?

– Still hurt