I'm in a dating funk. How do I get out of it?

Wednesday | April 8, 2026

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I’m in a dating funk. How do I get out of it?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? A friendship? A crush? A spouse? A breakup? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

I went through a breakup last August. It was amicable (he was moving, I was staying), and we agreed to do a no-contact period and then stay friends. On a reasonable timeline (in my opinion), I threw myself back into dating in September. It was so much fun. None of the guys were a match, but I left with fun stories for my friends, and I like meeting new people. I’m the weird person who likes the cat-and-mouse game of Hinge messages.

Now, though, I can’t find my joie de vivre for dating anymore. It probably started in November, when my mom had a health scare, so I decided to pause dating for the rest of the year. (Also in November my ex and I broke no-contact, which may or may not have been a factor; I’ll let you decide.)

Now, we’re months into 2026, and it’s just not fun. I’ve been on one date where I felt like a disengaged zombie, not even able to get a good handle on if I liked the guy because I couldn’t figure out how to focus enough to give him a shot.

Most of the time, though, I’m just not responding to Hinge messages, leaving guys on read, or only talking to my friends rather than new people while we’re out on the town. I’m thinking about my ex more than ever, not because I feel like I’m missing him personally, but because I’m missing the feeling of being in a loving relationship. I want to be dating, but I don’t *want* to be dating, you know? Do I just need to force myself through it? How do I get myself out of this funk?

– In a Funk

I think it’s all of the things.

It’s dating fatigue from being on apps for six months (the charm wears off). It’s personal stress that made you wish you had a loving significant other. It’s the fact that your ex is a nice person, and talking to him reminds you of the good times.

Depending on where you live, it might also be weather. Winter is difficult! February is blah. Cat-and-mouse flirting games can feel daunting in March and April.

My advice is to speak to your ex minimally, if at all. You’re in a funk right now, and there is no obligation to keep up with a specific cadence of messages. Let’s see if it’s easier with boundaries.

I’ll also suggest another app break. People are on and off these platforms all the time. Sometimes they need to pause because of family issues, but other times they’re just not feeling it, and that’s OK.

This funk doesn’t extend to friends, which is great. If it feels good to be with people you already love, please let yourself enjoy them.

After a few weeks, maybe you can hop on for an app for 10 minutes a day – just enough time to swipe, message, and move on. It’s a good summer thing to do. Hopefully more fun and less work.

– Meredith

Readers? Do you get out of a dating funk by hitting pause or pushing through? People who have been on apps for a long time: how often do you need breaks?

Friendship After Breakups Breakups 🖤 Dating fatigue