I am a 20-year-old bisexual woman with a strong desire to be in a relationship. While I have many platonic best friends, I have always longed for a unique, romantic partnership. I want a parter to “do life” with.

Recently I met someone and felt an instant connection. We went with friends on a trip together. After the trip ended, I asked him if he wanted to get drinks. It wound up being the best first date, with no awkward silences. Everything flowed incredibly; we talked about individual plans for the future, we talked about marriage and kids – all the things you normally wouldn’t bring up on a first date. The bar closed but I wanted the date to continue.

He walked me home, I invited him in for tea, and we had the best time talking. He slept over (we didn’t have sex). We then had a second and third date, both sleepovers, both a lot of fun. We seemed to be heading towards a relationship. Then, out of nowhere, his texts became distant, he cancelled our plans, and then ended things. I still don’t understand what happened. We seemed to be happy together, but he said he made a mistake and that dating me was something he didn’t want. I really liked spending time with him, even as a friend, and don’t understand what went wrong.

My instinct is to reach out to him when I go back to college in September and ask him for coffee, hoping it’ll start something again. Knowing it’s an option, I feel like I can’t move on. I just don’t have closure and I don’t know how I’d get it. It’s been almost three months and I still miss him (or the intimate partnership). I long to have the partnership I found with him, and am worried I won’t get it from anyone else. Can I reach out to him? When?

– Confused and lonely