I met my girlfriend eight years ago in college. We fell in love, have travelled the world together, and have supported each other as we’ve pursued our dreams. I’m 29, she’s about to turn 30, and we have all the same friends. Two years ago, we bought a place together.

We have been happy and deeply in love the entire time, and are compatible in terms of values, passions, and interests. Or so I thought. Weeks ago, she said she wasn’t sure how she feels about me anymore. Out of the blue. We wrote a list of things to improve our relationship, but after a week of trying some of those things, I asked how we were, and she said she was still unsure. I reacted really emotionally, said I would do anything for her and love her forever. It got very heavy, so she asked for some space, although it seems like she has made up her mind already. She hasn’t given any specifics, just that her feelings have changed, and that she has been thinking about it for about five months now.

I have analyzed the last year and think I started to take us for granted. I was so comfortable and secure that I forgot to treat her with the love, respect, and commitment she deserves. Little things like housework, making an effort to impress her, going on dates. Now we are on a break, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve written a letter with my feelings that also acknowledges that I haven’t shown her the love she deserves. I also tell her that I’m upset she didn’t talk to me about how she was feeling. I guess my question is: Should I send her the letter? Even though we’re taking space? Any advice is much appreciated, as I’m currently in Dante’s First Circle of Hell.

– Limbo