I Should Have Taken Time Off

Thursday | January 22, 2015

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I Should Have Taken Time Off

Today is the 6th anniversary of Love Letters. As I mentioned the other day, the traditional gift is candy, so please go eat some. And to the commenter who mailed a massive box of Skittles to the office, thank you. It is glorious. I will eat all of it. Thank you for amusing me in chat yesterday. And … I’ll be announcing some Love Letters events in the next week or so. (Try to keep your Feb. 13 free.)

Dear Meredith,

I have been told that I have “grass is always greener” syndrome, which I am starting to agree with. I am in my 20s and had a serious boyfriend in high school and another one on and off through college. I met a guy through work while I was still dating my college on/off boyfriend. I realized that I was starting to develop feelings for this new guy so I ended my five-year relationship and started dating the new guy.

It has been 10 months since we started dating and even though our relationship started off rocky (mostly due to the fact that I only had 10 minutes of being single), I know that I have fallen in love with my current boyfriend. We have fun no matter what we do, and he honestly makes me smile whenever I am with him. He has met my parents and even though they were skeptical at first, they learned to love him too. I have my doubts about our relationship sometimes, mostly due to the fact that he does not have many friends in the city so he always wants to hang out with me or my friends. I feel like I can never just go out with my friends without inviting him as well. We get along great and everything, but I am not sure if this is what I want right now.

I keep wishing that I would have taken some time between relationships to at least heal from the breakup. I keep thinking back to the times I was single in college and how happy and carefree I was and I miss that. I feel like I am tied down to another relationship and not enjoying my 20s. I’m not sure if I made a mistake by not giving myself time, or maybe I should just be happy to have met such a wonderful person so early in life and enjoy that.

– Is the Grass Always Greener?

You don’t sound like a “grass is always greener” person. You’re not always looking for the next best thing.

You just want some space to be a human. You want a boyfriend, not a life partner, and you want to hang out with your friends. By yourself.

If you really love this boyfriend (and it sounds like you do), try to set some boundaries. Let him know when you need a night alone on the couch. Stop feeling like you have to invite him out with friends — because you don’t. If he seems upset or confused by your new behavior, tell him what you told us — that you need some freedom and balance.

Something tells me that you’d be writing this letter even if you had taken time off after the last boyfriend. This is more about breathing room than time spent single.

Readers? Should she talk to him about this or just change her behavior? Is she a “grass is greener” person? Should she have taken time off after the last boyfriend?

– Meredith

Breakups 🖤