I Was Rude And I Want To Apologize

Wednesday | April 19, 2023

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I Was Rude And I Want To Apologize

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I lost my husband about two years ago. I got on a social website and met a guy who was very interested in me. The chemistry took off immediately. We began talking every day, multiple times a day. We started sharing sexy pictures and went out a couple of times. I slept with him and it was one of the best experiences of my life. We didn’t see each other often due to our work schedules – he took a new job and began working a lot of nights. When I was insecure about that, he said his feelings for me had not changed.

The next thing I knew he wouldn’t respond to me, and I found out he had a friend staying with him. He said there was a woman and wouldn’t elaborate with details other than her needing to be there for a while. I just kind of let it go. Then he began to text again, sending sexy messages and saying he wanted to come over to my house. When I suggested that I would come to his house, he told me the woman was still there. He asked me not to be mad, and I told him to leave me alone until he figures things out.

He texted a couple of weeks later, gave me a move-out date for her, and told me he wanted to see me to explain. We met up and the chemistry was great. Apparently, this woman is in love with him and wanted to try to make it work. He said he was very attracted to me – not to her. He told me all the things he liked about me and why he let her go for good.

We chatted a bit about 10 days later (his work schedule is still complicated) – eventually I reached out – and he told me that we could just be friends … which was never on the table. I wondered if she might still be there. I was rude to him in response, and now I’m regretting it because he won’t talk to me. I didn’t really give him a chance to explain what was going on. I have tried to apologize to him, but he will not talk to me. The relationship lasted about three months.

– Rude

No more apologies – from you, at least. This man wasn’t clear about his intentions. He disappeared and then showed up with sexts. After even more confusion, he said he wanted to be friends. I understand why you were rude.

Dating someone nice shouldn’t involve this level of mystery. You allowed yourself to get upset, and your feelings in that moment were helpful. This could have gone on for many more months; you might have been writing in July, “Wait, is it OK he disappeared again?” It’s better you know that when confronted with your frustration, he stopped responding.

(Of course, I don’t know how rude you were. Maybe you said truly terrible things. Regardless, that means you were done with this pattern.)

Even if this woman didn’t exist, the work schedules and communication styles made you incompatible. You don’t want to go 10 days without talking to a significant other. Instead of worrying about what you did to break this, call the whole thing an educational experience and move on.

This was an important and helpful relationship after a loss; it gave you a taste of what’s possible in a new era of your life. Please know there is chemistry elsewhere – and even more happiness. Let yourself find out what’s next.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it time for apologizes? What if this man shows up again?

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Featured Comment

‘The relationship lasted about three months.’ It was a fling, not a relationship, LW, the circumstances of your life that preceded the fling (I assume you included your opening sentence because it is relevant somehow) do not change its status.

AuldYin Share Thoughts