I Want A Family, A Dog, And A Shared Home

Wednesday | March 23, 2022

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I Want A Family, A Dog, And A Shared Home

Send your own letter (or update) to [email protected] or fill out this form.

My partner of four years gives me mixed signals. I want a family (which requires IVF), to move to a home we can call our own (or at least redecorate the one we have so that we both have our styles reflected, not just his), and to get a dog. He rejects all of this.

When I make plans to give myself space or potentially leave, he commits to doing one of these goals. Then it comes time to take action and he throws a conniption fit and refuses to do it. So I decide to pack up and go … and he promises again.

I’m concerned that I am not making the right decisions for my future because I’m stuck in the “what if” and “maybe it’ll work out” phase constantly. I’m disgusted that I’m caught up in this cycle.

I feel like I’m at the mercy of someone who probably doesn’t want what I want – or he’s too scared of change to commit to anything. He isn’t being honest with me and is constantly changing his mind. Would love your insight.

– Caught Up

Trust your gut. He probably doesn’t want to do these things, and even if it he does and this hesitation is about fear, his method of coping is hurtful and immature. He makes promises he can’t keep and throws fits. That’s not the kind of partner you want in a life with kids, pets, decisions, and inevitable change.

The thing is, even he decides to make good on any of these promises, how will it feel to know you had to do this much work to get him there? That it took making threats to see any real change?

The things you want might sound pretty incredible to someone else. For some, getting a dog would be so cool.

Starting over would be difficult, because you can’t get pets, redecoration, and IVF with someone right off the bat. You’ll need to be open to a changed timeline and another beginning. It’ll go back to you seeking good company and then asking the big questions.

All you have to tell your current partner is that you want to be with someone who’s excited to take these steps. Eager, even. That’s not him.

– Meredith

Readers? Reasons to stay that I’m missing? Worth going to therapy to see if this is fear that can be worked through?

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

I foster dogs. Unlike 2020, when everyone was adopting a dog, adoptions have slowed down. There are SO many dogs out there who need a home. Move out, adopt one, and I guarantee you’ll have much better companionship than your BF.

dangleparticiple Share Thoughts