You’re supposed to feel bad, even if a breakup is the best next step for both of you.

Getting rejected hurts. It’s awful. On the flip side, making someone sad is not a fun experience! It’s tough to be the bad guy.

That’s why so many people ghost after dates. They’d rather disappear than have to say, “Hey, I’m not feeling this.” 

Instead of turning your guilt into resentment (as in, “How dare she make me feel bad for seeing a natural end to this relationship?), sit with the discomfort and be honest about it. You can tell her you want to be single and that this isn’t the partnership you want long-term. You can share that you feel awful about it – and that you understand how disappointing this is, because you feel that way, too.

You can explain that you wish her the best, and that this has been a very important two years of your life. 

She might be upset, mean, try to bargain, etc. – or maybe she’ll be sad and accept the news. Regardless, she’ll be on her own journey at that point. You can set some boundaries about contact and then leave.

Honestly, you seem to be asking, “Why do I feel feelings?” … and the answer is: “because it’s natural.” Let yourself be human. It would be so much worse if you didn’t care.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get comfortable with disappointing someone? Any tips on how to cope with being the breaker upper? Is there work to be done in this relationship before any decisions are made?

What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Friendships? Dating? Divorce? Adjusting to change? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].