I Kept My Problems To Myself

Tuesday | June 23, 2015

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I Kept My Problems To Myself

Hi Meredith,

My boyfriend of five months broke up with me. When he ended it he stated he was no longer 100 percent as in as before and that he thinks we are on two different pages now. We were amazing together.

There was a moment during the relationship that I was dealing with a very bad family situation and I never told him about it. I guess I made him see that I was not open to sharing things with him and didn’t see us as a close couple.

We never got into a big fight or ever disrespected each other. I keep my problems to myself and deal with it differently than others. I didn’t think it was necessary to tell him something bad as it didn’t affect him in any way and I didn’t want to talk about negative stuff; I wanted to just focus on “us.” Now I miss him like crazy and feel like it was my fault that it ended. The reason being that I was not fully open, and that talking would have strengthened our bond and helped us grow on a deeper level.

Should I write my ex a letter explaining my situation and how I should have opened up more to him? Do you think this will help him understand where I stand and that he’ll want to give our relationship another try?

– Another Try

It doesn’t sound like he broke up with you because he was desperate to hear your problems. He said he was “no longer 100 percent as in” anymore, which is basically a paraphrase of “I’m just not that into you.”

You’d only been with this guy for a few months when the family problems stared, so it makes sense that you were taking your time with the serious talks and focusing on happier things. And really, if he had been desperate to get closer, he could have just said, “Next time, share this stuff with me.” If he had wanted more of you, he wouldn’t have walked away.

I understand that you want a reason for this ending — it’s always comforting to be able to assign blame — but sometimes relationships just don’t work. I wish there was a science to figuring out why but there isn’t.

It does sound like you wish you had shared more, so you might as well take that lesson to your next relationship. But no writing letters, please, unless you want to write one to yourself.

Readers? Should she write a letter?

– Meredith

Breakups 🖤

Featured Comment

I don’t think he’s going to want to give it another try, so a letter is pretty useless. But maybe if you run into him getting a Big Gulp at the 7-11 (that’s where I tend to run into exes the most, unshowered, crazy hair, leggings as pants), just say something like,

You know, I’m sorry things didn’t work out, I liked you a lot, but I had a lot going on with my damn family. Maybe it got in the way. You look great, by the way.u0022 You can prop the door open a little bit, but you still have to keep on keeping on.u0022 – Louise Share Thoughts