I’m putting this letter in the dating fatigue category… even though it’s kind of the opposite.

My general thought: year-long breaks are fine. Not wanting to date? That doesn’t sound weird.

So many people date because they feel like they should – like they’re missing their chances for love if they don’t continue the search all the time.

Sometimes romantic companionship just isn’t the priority.

The thing that stops me about your letter is that you say you’d actually “love to date,” but “just don’t want anyone” you meet. Have you stopped finding people attractive and interesting? Or is that you can’t find the energy to pursue them when you do? If you feel “blah” about other parts of life too, think about what might be happening in your brain. Perhaps talk to a doctor about it.

If you can get excited about friends, work, sports, hobbies, music, or anything else that makes you happy, please don’t judge yourself or worry too much.

Assuming those many other parts of your life give you joy, try giving yourself a small homework assignment as an experiment. Once a month or so, have a conversation with someone on an app – or in real life – and think about three things you liked about the person (hair, glasses, humor, shoes, anything). Sometimes we have to train ourselves to notice what desire – even in friendships. 

Wanting someone can take practice. It requires noticing things. Paying attention. Giving people the benefit of the doubt. It’s an exercise.

– Meredith