I broke up with my girlfriend of one year the other day and feel like the worst human who has ever walked the face of the planet. It’s so puzzling to me that I can feel convinced that it is time to leave the relationship, but the second I do, I’m convincing myself I made a mistake or wondering if I ended things too soon. Could I have done more? Been more? Given more? Tried more? Lots of what-ifs.

My girlfriend was amazing and and cared for me in a way I’m not sure I have ever been cared for. That part of her is hard to let go of. But she has this other part … a part that had a hard childhood full of darkness and negativity, and as much as I hoped that part would go away and heal, it didn’t. And for me, it took a toll.

She was clingy and needed to be physically everywhere I was. She couldn’t be okay with normal things like me working in the yard, waking up early, or traveling for work. It always seemed that I needed to stay in my little jar, by her side, in order for her to be OK. Granted, she did make improvements and she’s aware of her issues. Over time, though, it got hard for me to just deal with it because I’d always hoped for so much more in a relationship. It’s not to say that I don’t have my own stuff. I think my independence, being older, etc., drove her nuts. It was a difficult relationship from the day we met it, and it never got easier, so I ended it – a week before her birthday, which I feel just awful about. I sit here days after it all happened and just regret it, and a part of me wants to undo it and go back to where there’s love. Why do we do that? Want to go backwards when we were convinced just yesterday that this has to be done? How can I forget the “bad” that quickly?

– Little Jar