I feel like a bad person for breaking up with him

Tuesday | April 7, 2026

Love Letters Breakups 🖤

I feel like a bad person for breaking up with him

Am I a bad person for breaking up with someone who loved me just because I wasn’t attracted to him?

I’m 19 and in college, and I had never dated anyone before him. We connected last fall and were really fast about into getting into a relationship. Like a week in, we were already in a relationship. At the time I wasn’t seeing it because I wanted to have an experience. I think my mind was so set on that that, I didn’t see anything else.

Winter break came and it gave me some time to reflect and think about him. I felt like things had moved too quickly. He had told me he loved me after a week. I didn’t say I loved him back because I didn’t. He kept asking, “Do you love me? Do you love me?” And then I would say “I think it’s too fast,” and he would tell me, “Then why are you with me if you don’t love me?”

There were some red flags, but he was, in general, a good person. He was also really not my type. I felt like our values differed a lot because we’re from different countries and he had some conservative values I don’t share.

When I came back from winter break, I realized I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I broke up with him right there, like the first day after we saw each other, because I wanted to get it over with and I didn’t want to lie to him. But then I felt guilty because he asked me why and I didn’t tell him I wasn’t attracted to him. It felt like I was being shallow. But I explained it to him as our values differed a lot. He’s homophobic. My best friend is gay.

He said he would change his values for me. But I felt like he was doing all this stuff for me and not for himself.

We live in the same building at college so I see him sometimes, but he never really talks to me and I don’t talk to him – but there wasn’t any bad blood on my part.

But sometimes I feel really guilty because I broke his heart … because he was nice. He was still a very good person and he loved me, and I broke his heart.

It’s hard to explain to my friends why I’m relieved to be out of the relationship but also heartbroken. It was my first love. Even if it wasn’t.

– Feeling Guilty

I’m so proud of you. I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you.

You took a risk and had an experience. You gave yourself time to pause, and made good decisions. You communicated those decisions quickly so you didn’t string anyone along. You were honest without cruelty. You said difficult things like, “This was too fast,” and “We don’t share values.”

When this man presented you with a quick fix, you rejected it because you knew it wasn’t real. Who can change their values for someone else? That’s not how it works, and you understood that in your gut.

You might not know that hurting people’s feelings is part of the dating process. Two wonderful, well-meaning souls can make each other sad, even with the best intentions.

Was there any other option for you? Were you supposed to convince yourself you loved him?

This was the honest course of action, and you got through it well. You didn’t ghost him or lie. A lot of 40-somethings I know could learn from your letter.

It hurts, but it’ll heal. You can tell your friends it feels uncomfortable and heartbreaking to make another person feel bad, even if it’s the right thing to do. It doesn’t have to make sense to them in the moment, but by explaining it, you might teach them something, too.

– Meredith

Readers? What about the guilt that comes with a necessary breakup? Is experiencing it part of the process?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? A friendship? A crush? A spouse? A breakup? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

College 🖤 Breakups 🖤