Hi Meredith,

Last week I caught my boyfriend of a year and half looking through my phone. I did lie to him about who it was who texted me, but I lied to catch him. I agree that it was very immature of me and I am not proud of my behavior, but isn’t he equally as wrong for snooping behind my back? We cant seem to agree.

Here’s a little back story. I didn’t see him snoop because I was in another room, but I could tell by the questions he asked me after I looked at it. When my phone first went off and he told me there was a message, I just dismissed it and said, “It’s probably my sister.” After I checked my text message he said, “What did your sister have to say?” I didn’t answer and put my phone back on the table. He then asked again with more attitude which made me believe he was setting me up. He then asked, “It was your sister, huh?” And I immediately responded with, “Yup, it was.” He then called me out on the lie and I confirmed my suspicion.

I tried to apologize and explain myself. He instantly saw red and began grabbing stuff and ran out the door. Later that night, he sent me an emotionally charged email stating, “I can’t date a liar.” Fast forward a week later and we met in a public place and exchanged belongings. That was after he sent irrational and unstable text messages that I didn’t respond to. No words were exchanged when we met in a public place, although he walked to my car window and stated, “Have fun with the new man.” He couldn’t be any more wrong. I haven’t slept for a week, barely eaten a thing. I am not happy with the way this went down, and I feel as though we should have been able to talk as mature adults. He got extremely impulsive and denied that he did anything wrong. Granted, I admit to being very immature and childish, but I was caught up in the moment.

I am so conflicted. There is no turning back, and this relationship is over and will never be back to what it was. But I am saddened and hurt that he would make such a harsh parting cheap shot as he packed his car. It was a shot straight to my soul. He knows there isn’t anyone else – we are together every night. The reason he got so upset is because the text message was from someone at work and when he looked at my phone and he didn’t recognize the name. Did he have a right to snoop in my phone? And did he have a right to set me up and then turn around and blame me for the whole scenario? When in all actuality my behavior was a direct result of his?

– Conflicted and confused