First time here. I am very spiritual girl and believe that some things are meant to be. A decade ago, when I was still a teenager and my friends were meeting their first boyfriends, I always refused boys because I knew deep down in my heart that my first boyfriend would be English. I always loved English culture. I’d made a list of the qualities I wanted in “my true love” and at the end I wrote: “My boyfriend is English.” I read it every day.

Until one day it came true. We met online. From the first day we met, we didn’t stop talking. Then he decided to visit me, so he flew from England. We fell in love, laughing all the time. He stayed for two weeks. In his phone calls with his family, he said “Dad, I am living in Heaven.” I felt so blessed, grateful, and happy.

But then I broke up with him. I went to see him in London and I got negative and insecure. I was embarrassed about my career and financial situation. His family was amazing with me, but I started to think, “How I am going to afford more flights? What his family will think about the place where I live?” When I called him for another chance (two weeks of our breakup) he told me it was “too late.” I was devastated. I felt horrible.

It’s been years since then and I can’t let it go. He is with another girl and they have been together for years. My whole life feels wrong, and I know I created all of this. I thought about having children with him. I thought he was the one. How do I live with this?

– Lost